A Friend Indeed
by whiteknight77
Summary: This is for HARD CORE Remus fans only.  Hermione screws up and whoops no parental figure!  So Remus, being awesome, steps in.  No slash.


Hermione peered around the bedroom door with downtrodden, hesitant eyes. Remus was standing by the window and when he turned to face her, his face was disconcertingly expressionless.

"Hello, Hermione" he said very seriously. "Sit down, please." He walked over to the bed and sat down on its edge. It creaked with his weight. Her thoughts jumped madly through her head as she approached him. She felt like a five year old.

Hermione had always been a special case among the trio. Ron had his mother, and Harry had Sirius, but Hermione had no parental figure in the wizarding world. If she were the type to cause trouble for trouble's sake or perform poorly in school, it might have been an issue that would resolve itself. But it had not, and now Remus had taken it upon himself to play the parent. If the smiling, graying werewolf that surveyed her now felt as awkward or embarrassed as she did, he did not show it. There was a heavy silence for a moment before Hermione timidly asked "Are you angry with me?"

Remus looked weary as his shoulders drooped slightly. He absent-mindedly tugged at a loose string on his robes as he carefully formulated his answer.

"I was very angry" he began "but I've thought about it and now I've come to realize I wouldn't be much of a friend if I became too angry to even talk to you about it. I think that's what you need right now." He paused and Hermione began to say something but he held up a hand for silence. "However," he continued "I am still hurt by what you said, and by extension a little angry. But…we cannot hold on to anger, Hermione, or very quickly it will be _it_ that is holding on to us." A look of foreboding flashed across his face, "And anger has a very strong grip indeed."

Hermione nodded, seemingly hoping that the entire conversation would be this one-sided. After a few moments the hope disappeared as he waited very deliberately for her to respond.

"Remus, I'm not sure if words can say how sorry I am." She looked for a response but found none. She continued "I was angry at everyone, thinking what to say that would cause the most pain. Of course I don't really think any of those things and—"She broke off and listlessly dropped her hand onto the bed beside her. "And I can't think of words to convince you of that. It's a horrible feeling." Her eyes rose just barely so she could clearly see his face; she was looking for guidance. Remus shook his head solemnly.

"That's your responsibility, not mine." Hermione looked as if her heart was breaking. He let it hang there for a moment before speaking again. "Come now, Hermione, you must have something to say for yourself." Hermione inhaled deeply and made eye contact with him for a fleeting moment, but the second she saw his patient, amber eyes, she dropped her gaze.

"I was just being stupid! I messed up! I told you how very, very sorry I am, but I can't think of anything else to say. It was stupid and I didn't mean to. I understand if you don't want to forgive me. Or maybe you just want to wait until I do come up with something brilliant to say…"

Remus responded evenly and coolly. "Oratory skills are not required for my friendship, Hermione, but intolerance towards werewolves is absolutely beyond. I am so disappointed." She looked up at him to deny it, but faltered as quickly as she had begun. The incredible irony of Remus Lupin's curious life was the stark contrast between the man and the wolf. Remus was an extremely gentle soul, polite, kind, courteous and mild-mannered. Drawing attention to the face that once a month he transformed into a monster that defied all of his philosophies hurt Remus more deeply and profoundly than any criticism. The expression on his face told her he was trying to decide what to do. Finally, he began to speak very quietly.

"OK, I suppose I am too soft for both our sakes. If I were any kind of role model I'd think of something stern and condescending to say." He raised an eyebrow as if it were the closest thing she would get to a grin. Becoming gravely serious he said "Do you remember what you said to me yesterday?" Hermione nodded while looking at her feet. "Do you remember your exact words?" She nodded again. Remus looked as if it pained him to continue. "Alright, I want you to do something for me, and I'll accept your apology with open arms."

Hermione brightened. "What? What is it? Of course I will." Remus gave a sad ghost of a smile and said "I want you to look into my eyes, into the eyes of the man that taught you, guided you. Who risked his life you rescue you. Look at me and repeat what you said yesterday. We'll see how it feels this time."

"But Remus!—I didn't mean—"

"Irrelevant, Hermione. Do as I say."

She stumbled for words. "A-alright then…I said.." Her eyes rolled back skywards as if searching her memory for the correct words.

"Please Hermione" Remus said briskly. "Do not insult my intelligence—and your own—by pretending you do not remember. Now look at me."

Hermione had tears in her eyes, not yet crying.

"Problem?" Remus asked mildly. "You had no difficulties at all yesterday."

"Y-yes, but…" She stopped again. He had put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. Hermione tilted her head to the side slightly, as though trying to figure out the answer to a puzzle. "You forgive me, don't you?" She could sense it through his touch. It was an almost incredulous statement, as if she didn't quite believe it.

"Yes, I do. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you obey me now. The quicker you say it, the sooner it will be over. Come on."

Hermione looked back at him with a flood of affection she did not expect. "You know," she said "that you're making it harder. Here I say something terrible and you, you try to, I don't know, make me feel better or something, oh I don't know…" Her voice lowered and finally broke into a sob. "N-not that many people care that much about their f-friends."

He smiled and gently rubbed her back. "This exercise is not intended to make you feel better. It's to hopefully help you act better. You're young, Hermione. You said it yourself—a stupid mistake. Nothing will be gained by punishing you unnecessarily. Right now I'm forcing you to accept natural consequences." She narrowed her eyes quizzically. He continued "Look at it this way. Say I yell at you in front of Harry and Ron, or if I were to hit you. Neither of these things would have any constructive use at all. In fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. Resentment, bitterness and even fear can result in that kind of behaviour. We must remove ourselves from the situation and do what is best for our friends, even if they are misguided."

"Because we should put our friends first?"

"Exactly" he said cordially. "Well, in this situation, anyway. Anything so disconcertingly out of character is a clear sign you needed some-" he smiled wistfully and looked down reprovingly at her for the first time "-guidance." He took a deep breath as if he wanted to do something quickly and get it over with. "Now Hermione, this discussion will not be over until you've accepted responsibility and do what I have requested."

"But why this way?" she cried, wiping away tears with her shirt sleeve.

"Because it's painful" he said simply. Hermione looked slightly confused. "Yes, in order for an apology to be true, the person doing the apologizing must be made to _feel_ what they are apologizing for. You hurt me, and now that pain is about to be inflicted back upon you. I hope you will think carefully about what you say from now on." As an after thought, he added "The longer you wait, the harder it will be."

She took a moment to compose herself. Her voice shook with emotion as she said "Remus, I'm so s-sorry, for-" she faltered slightly "-for what I am…about to say." He nodded her on.

"Go ahead."

Hermione didn't need to think back to what she had said. The words had haunted her ever since they left her mouth. But, if he had the wisdom to forgive her, she could work up the bravery to accept his help.

"Remus, I, I don't know why-"she had begun to quote her self from yesterday, verbatim. "I don't know why I ever asked a—for help from a—" She tore her gaze away. Remus remained silent, waiting for her to pluck up the courage to do what was right. She straightened and forced the rest out in one breath, more determined, strengthened by his silence.

"A creature like you. Why don't you go…go howl at the moon or something…Aside from killing, it's—it's all your kind are good at."

That was it. It was precisely what she had said yesterday, caught in a fit of anger and pain. At that moment Hermione knew absolutely that it hadn't been her who had said those things. It _couldn't _have been. Could it? It was. A curious motive. In part it was born of passion and strong emotions, but it had also been consciously and in full awareness of her actions, been chosen because it would have what would hurt him most. And there she had succeeded. There was not any internal, deep-seeded hate for werewolves; the comment had simply fit the formula she viciously went looking for.

At this point she burst into incredible, distraught sobbing. Remus had assumed the exact facial expression he had worn the first time she had said it. Shock. Pain. Hermione wanted desperately to embrace him, even going so far to lurch forward to do so. In one quick movement he caught her by the shoulders and held her fast.

"Hermione, calm down and listen. I need you to tell me how sorry you are and that you'll never use your tongue as such as poisonous weapon again, understand?"

She nearly collapsed in his grip, but regained enough composure to say "Remus, I'm so incredibly sorry. And ashamed. I'll never, ever do it again, please Remus…please, I'm so…sorry, oh…"

"I bet you are."

"It hurts."

"I know."

With that he pulled Hermione into a fierce hug and gently patted her back while she cried. He rocked her slowly and pulled away just barely, only enough to kiss her affectionately on the forehead.

"There's a girl" he soothed, "That's it. Well done, well done indeed. Apology fully accepted. It's ok, it's alright, ok, shhh, it's ok…" He brushed her tear-soaked hair out of her eyes. "Good girl. Do you feel better now?"

She half shrugged. "Yes, I guess, not completely." She leaned against him and he let her.

"And I know why." Every word was quiet now. "Because my forgiveness is not the only forgiveness you seek. Forgiving yourself can be much more difficult than forgiving others, as strange as that might seem. It's possible to acquit someone for a fallacy in their own character, but to forgive yourself means recognizing one in yourself—it can be difficult."

"I believe it" she said miserably.

"It's late" Remus said, rising. "I think it is time you went to bed." She nodded in agreement. "Now, you know, tomorrow you will need to apologize to the others." Hermione looked deeply pained. It was almost an unbearable thought.

He responded to her crestfallen look. "I know. I've felt it. It's a harsh punishment, isn't it? But it's tough love, and in these times we live in we must always stay close to those we love. Take solace in knowing that the pain inside you comes from the love you have for your friends. Hermione, do you understand?"

Realization was dawning over her face. "Yes. I do…I do."

Remus smiled kindly. "Now, if you need me, you know where I am. Yes, you must take responsibility on your own, but I see no reason why I can't provide a little support afterwards." He leaned over and kissed her head, almost paternally. "Alright, that's it, lie down, now, ok? I want you to get some rest." He patter her shoulder once more before turning around and began to walk towards the door, his torn robes swinging off his lean figure.

She stopped him as he reached the doorway.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

For the first time she returned the smile. "Thank you."

"Not at all."

He extinguished the lamp with a flick of his wand and strode out of the room, descending the stairs as he maneuvered throughout the dark, quiet house.

(fin)


End file.
